Physical Amnesia

When I was in fourth year college, a month before my thesis submission, I suffered a road accident. I was hit by a bicycle while crossing the street. I had a friend that time which told me the story.

I got hit by a raging bike who we didn't notice coming. I was thrown away by the collission, I hit the ground which got me unconcious in that instant.
A nearby tricycle driver helped us, and brought me to St. Vincent's, the nearest hospital. In the driver's hurry, my friend got left behind which made my friend running after a fast moving tricycle. Thank God, another good citizen, a taxi driver gave my friend a free ride and followed the tricycle.
The next thing, my friend had been worried trying to contact my family. My cell phone is broken so the only mean of reaching my family is to go to our house.
It's just the twist of events, that we recently moved place, and my friend doesn't know where I am living right now.
My friend went to our old house, along with the nice tricycle man, and asked our neibhours where could my new house be found. My neighbours led my friend to a relative's house. My relative wasn't home when they got there, but someone knew where's our new place is, so that someone brought my friend there. When they got there, nobody's home, so my friend had to wait. When my family arrived, they immediately texted my mom, which was out of signal. What a twist! I am glad my friend is really a friend.

Meanwhile....
What's happening to me while my friend is searching for my family?

I could recall that I have awaken three times, with short lapses of being unconcious..hmm... I'm not sure... it all happened in one afternoon.

First Wake
I saw a man in white, most probably just the nurse, he keeps on saying, "Youre okay." I honestly can't understand him, "Okay." In my mind what's "okay"? I mean what is the word 'okay'?
I looked around and I understand nothing. It's blank. Like I don't know that the wall clock is a clock, a wall is a wall. I don't know what I am, who I am. NOTHING.
Except there's that something that is perceived by my ears that kept on saying "You're okay." Whatever that means.
Everything seems to move and swirl, and it got dark again.

Second Wake
The second time I woke up, I was aware that I am in some sort of a room, lying in bed and there's a clock that hangs by the wall. The place looks familiar.
And then, again, a man in white came in and asked me how do I feel. This time, I can understand what he is saying. He said I am okay. I was still confused back then. What am I doing here? Where am I? What happenned? What? What? What?
Aside from the swirling world around me, I can now feel the pain in my head.

Third Wake
As my eyes opened, I saw a familiar figure by the footboard of the bed. It's my mother, with some of my relatives.
They were talking about something which I couldn't understand. Maybe in my situation that time, they were using 'complicated' terms which my brain could not comprehend.
This time, I knew an accident happened, although I was not sure what was it. I knew I was in an emergency room, because I brought people in the same emergency room twice, one was in labor while the other one was because of appendicitis.

These are the three moments one afternoon in an emergency room, I am not sure if I have told this story, but I think I did.


I saw my friend and my family, standing next to me. Still unaware what had really happened, I can feel the pain this time.

When the ambulance form St. Luke's hospital came, I said I need to go to the comfort room. They assisted me, but when I got to the CR, my world started to whirl again, and I started to vomit again until I can't threw up anything anymore. I saw the wash basin filled with my yucky vomits & water. They said I have been vomitting unconciously. That's why my mom decided to bring to St. Lukes because the people of St. Vincent's never took care of me as soon as possible, they just left me at the Emergency Room 'till someone came for me.

Then they brought me to the ambulance along with this cute ambulance guy. (haha! I've been in this situatuion, and I never thought I would think that way. Na aksidente nga ako, because I am not like that at all).

What does it feels like to be a patient inside an ambulance? I could here the ambulance's siren, the honks & the beeps of the outside cars. I can feel the motion of the wheel, & the rocking of my bed which left me in the world of forever swirling and praing that it would stop.

At St. Lukes, my first stop was in the Emergency Room. I was awake that moment and could hear the other patients suffering from pains and calling out for doctors. I felt I am a part of some war movie where hurt soldiers are brought to.

My friend was beside me, while my mom took care of my papers in the hospital. My friend told me that the ambulance guy is so cute, which left us both smiling, why in the world we were thinking that way at that moment. I guess, the guy was really cure in that attire. And I think, God is just cheering us both because of that traumatic experience. Nice move God!

Then a doctor broke our silent admiration and checked my physical status from one reflex to another. Asking me questions like what do I feel or what could I remember on what happened on me. Of course, I could give no answer for I am at blank myself.

Then I was brought to laboratories for further examinations. EEG, X-Rayes and in that big CT Scan Machine. Haha! Am I in that weird situation again, when I remembered Jet Li's movie "The One", where he was examined in a CT Scan and was attacked by another Jet Li and his gun was magnetized by the CT Scan machine. While I am having that scan, I wanted to open my eyes so I could see how the machine works, but I was afraid that I would go blind.
Then I was sent back to my room.

It was the holiday seasons. The five days of vacation after my design exhibit was wasted inside the hospital.
A few friends visited me, while the other 'friends' doesn't even know I was hospotalized and never bothered to say hi. I got released on December 25, 2004.

My hospital bill for five days was P30,000.00!!! Oh no! I am thankful to God my mom had a boss who helped us to loan money.

The 'comforts' of the hospital I could no longer bear, so I was very glad I am going home.

First Week of Survival
During the first week after I got hospitalized, I always have headaches and nauseas. It feels like I'm gonna be stuck with those pains forever. it's a part of my everyday 'living'. What a life!

There were times that I have to shout to call my mother's attention when vertigo strikes in. My nerves were easily shaken by the slightest movement & slightest sound, and the head pain was hard to bare. There were also times, that I couldn't stand on my own and couldn't walk on my own. Sometimes, I would suddenly fall from where I was sitting. Imbalance.

Also, during that time, I was also worried about my thesis, that while resting, I started to re read my months of research only to find out that I have forgotten details of my work are not clear in my mind, thus resultiong to more nauseas because of pressure, so I stopped reading my thesis. It's like I can't understand technical terms, and even the sinmplest sentences at times.

That's when I started to read "The Little Prince", which is the first I get to finish to read, and "Jonathan Livingstone Seagull." These books gave me a handful thoughts of wisdom and opened me to the world of reading books.

Little by little, headaches soothens, nauseas lessens.-- but not totally gone. All I ever eat during that time was Ice Cream, which added more calories to this 'jello' body. hehe...

I've been resting for 3 weeks; 2 weeks from that holiday vacation, and I was a week out of school. Worried, that I won't finish school at the right time, I came back to school.


First Week At School
It was a hard week. Some people I can't remember, some I only knew by face.
There was one time, I was standing in front of my professor and I ignored her which offended her. I knew her not until my classmate told me that she's our professor. I apologized to her as soon as I had the chance. My prof told me she was wondering why was such a snob, I just honestly told her I just can't remember who she was back then.

There were also a time that I suddenly forgot who my boyfriend is. A man was calling me, I was wondering why he was calling, only to realize later that he's my boyfriend.

One memory gap led to another, it's like I'm one absent-minded machine who easily forgets and always lost.

Eventually, my thesis suffered, it's like I went to a battle unprepared. I thank God I finished schooling that time, although I knew I was not able to give the best I knew I could give. The best that time was just the best from an amnesiac girl, who finished school for no reason and no goal in life.

A blurry past have a pointless future.


I got a job. Which I quitted after four months to give way to my study.

I studied in a review school. But I was not able to take the board exam in the end.

I got a new job. But maybe because of too much boredom and too much eye strain, the head aches and nauseas came back...PLUS!!!

Now things got even worse, I am having headaches and heartpains by being left by someone whom I thought I could depend on.

The Body Pains, medicine could relieve. I was set on another round of radiation exams, and I thank God for giving us the peace of mind that nothing's wrong to me except for sever migraine attackes & cervicogenic headaches which cannot be cured, but can be relieved by medicine.


Now the pains of my soul is another case at all!!!